Negative people. They are human leeches who just suck the life out of you. You try to stay positive and remain strong but their negativity ends up just completely draining you, you feel exhausted, and you may also start to feel depressed at times. We all have naysayers in our lives who manage to bring us down on a perfectly good day. We cannot always just “get rid of” the negative people. Sometimes they are your family, friends, coworkers, lovers. People have bad days. Even you. After a few years of observation and self-reflection, I have come to a realisation that the best way to face real life challenges is to take a good look at yourself, assume responsibility for whatever it is that you are thinking, feeling and living. It includes your interaction with a naysayer as well. For instance, if you are interacting with the naysayers and you have to deal with them on a regular basis, you should never allow their negativity to affect you and what is most important, you should never blame them if it does. Never give your power away by blaming others for what you have done or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. The moment you do, you become a victim of your circumstances and instead of using your time and energy to overcome life’s challenges, you will get lost in the problems and you will get stuck in a really dark and unhappy place for a very long time. So if you cannot rid someone from your life, how do you deal with these naysayers? Negative people prevent us from making positive changes in our lives. Today I want to share with you 6 smart ways (which I too have tried and tested, and yes they have worked) to deal with the naysayer in order to preserve your sanity. 1. Set your own boundaries: Don’t feel pressurised to sit and listen to a negative person. Their negative energy will seep into your own life and affect your attitude. Set limits and put some distance between yourself and this individual. If you must be around a naysayer, try to keep your interaction short. You cannot control the negative behavior, but you can control whether or not you engage. 2. Like attracts like- watch your attitude: Like attracts like, and whether we like or not, we attract in our lives people, events, situations that mirror our internal state of being. How do you feel on a regular basis? Are you feeling, joyful, excited, grateful and loving or you are feeling cranky, judgmental, negative and frustrated? You may go through a period when you are projecting your own unhappiness on to those around you and because of that, all you can see is mean and unhappy people. Watch out for it. Take an attitude check. Are your negative comments setting the tone? Are you contributing to the negativity in the conversation? Funny thing, the moment you will shift from unhappy to happy, the people will change too. “Like attracts like. It will surprise you as long as you live.” - Richard Bach 3. Choose your battles: Don’t engage every time someone irritates you. Not only will you be seen as argumentative, you will be welcoming toxicity into your own life. Rather than argue, try to ignore and avoid any negative comments. Control your emotions and prevent the situation from escalating. Walk away from unnecessary conflict. You will be respected for taking the high road. 4. Show support but avoid the hole: It is always the right thing to show a degree of compassion for somebody who seems to be in a negative spiral, but you must give this compassion in such a way that you can avoid falling in to the same hole yourself. Understanding somebody’s pain is not the same as indulging it, and your attempts to help should always be backed up by encouragement for the behavior to change. 5. Clear your head afterwards: Dealing with negative people taxes and drains your energy. Therefore, whenever you are forced to deal with such folks, take time afterward to recharge your emotional batteries. The best thing to do after dealing with a downer is to call or visit a kindred spirit (may be your support system) who shared your basically positive energy. If that is not possible, you can always go for a walk, listen to some good music, read something inspirational (which is my all-time favorite). Do something, anything that creates a mental break. Failing to do so is like failing to wash yourself or change your clothes after wading through mud. If you are not careful, negativity can will stick to you. In fact that is the reason that naysayers are negative. It is a learned behavior. After all, most kids are natural optimists! 6. Take the garbage truck pledge: (inspired from the book- The law of the Garbage Truck) David J. Pollay is the author of The Law of the Garbage. He believes that- “Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they look for a place to dump it. And if you let them, they will dump it on you. So, when someone wants to dump on you, don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Believe me. You will be happier.” How about you? Are any of these 6 tips useful for you? Do you have any personal experience on how to deal with negative people? Feel free to share in the comments section below.

India is a country of diverse culture and tradition as well as a lot of superstitions. Here, traditions breathe comfortably next to global technology. We find ourselves standing at the cross road where these two meet, sometimes restless, sometimes nonchalant. As a result, there are times when we question age-old practices, while sometimes accept them inadvertently. It is definitely important to question to prevent the slow degradation of our society and look for scientific logic behind them but it is also important to be receptive to answers that others may find. Here is my attempt to put some light on the logic behind some of the age-old practices of our ancestors to set ourselves free from the orthodox mentality: 1. We (specifically girls) should not wash our hair on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday as it can cause harm to our brother. “You are taking a bath..don’t you love me sissy?” The practice of not washing the hair on certain days of the week are attributed by some of the water management practices. Moreover, if you get a haircut on Tuesday- people will compliment you on Wednesday. :P 2. If a black cat crosses your path, then your task get delayed. “I will wait for someone else to cross before me.” Aww. Poor black cats. This belief is popular not only in India but in the west too. The origin of this superstition has come from the Egyptians who believed that black cats were evil creatures and they bring bad luck whereas Indians believe that black color is associated with Lord Shani and hence the bad luck. Anyway, just to let you all know- if a black cat crosses your path, it means that the cat is also going somewhere. 3. Using lemons and green chilies to avert buri-nazar. “Damn, bring it on, I am buri-nazar proof.” The nimbu-mirchi totka basically stems from the culture that encouraged the use of nimbu and mirchi as both are rich in different vitamins and thus our ancestors probably tried to propagate their usage through symbols during ceremonies which slowly turned into a totka. Besides this, the cotton thread which is used to pierce the chilies and lemon absorbs the acid from the fruit whilst they are fresh. This smell keeps the pests and insects away from the shops. And yes, of course, if you hang a lemon somewhere (even with chillies), you can have impromptu vodka shots. :P 4. Phobia- whoa…one should not cut nails after sunset. “So I cannot even cut my nails now?” In earlier times, sharp blades were used to cut nails as there were no nail clippers as such. Those blades required precision and light to be used in the absence of which one might get hurt. Hence the andhvishwas, again. 5. If you call out someone’s name from the back when they are going out, it brings bad luck to their endeavors. “This means I will go for the job interview on some other day.” I think the logic is extremely simple here- if someone calls you from behind, it means you forgot something. The person might want to help you out! 6. You lose your wealth if you shake your legs while sitting. Shaking legs is simply a sign of nervousness. It does not take your wealth away from you but yes, it might affect your health. 7. Breaking a mirror or looking into a broken mirror brings bad luck. “Ouch…” During old times, mirrors were quite expensive and were of low quality so could easily be defected. In order to avoid negligence it was told that breaking mirror will bring bad luck. This was simple tactic to protect the high-priced mirrors from people’s carelessness. 8. Number-13 is considered as evil number. Many Indian high-rise buildings don’t have the 13th floor. People do not buy house with number-13. “Because sometimes, all you have is denial.” Seriously, there is no explanation for this one. Number 13 is just considered unlucky. One only reason is that, at Jesus Christ’s last supper, there were 13 people around the table. Some believe this unlucky because one of those 13, Judas Iscariot, was the betrayer of Jesus Christ. This does not make 13 unlucky at all. In fact, it does not even make any sense. And last but not the least, if you get the house on the 13th floor, you are in for a lot of cardio (na, na-don’t use the elevators). This is not the end of the list of our beliefs however I feel and strongly urge you all to question any such superstition around you instead of falling into this trap. Our society is made of all of us and each one us need to change and grow for the society to grow. What do you think? Are you also somehow affected by these superstitions? Do you have people around you who needs to know these? Are you going to bring the change, a small change? Do share your thoughts in the comment section below. 

“We must always change, renew, and rejuvenate ourselves: otherwise we harden.” Today’s modern life is not as simple and easy as it used to be in earlier times. Every single day we are required to perform our duties and provide services with a certain level of enthusiasm and spirit to meet or exceed life’s challenges, which somewhere deep down affect us- affect our mental, emotional and physical well-being.  Looking at the current scenario, technology has altered our life in both positive and negative ways. From one viewpoint, advancement in technology have made our lives quite less demanding and more fulfilling, but on the other hand, technology also creates a cycle of entangling our brains in a camouflaged bondage, which we really need to go away from, every now and then. The holiday season (yayaya J) is the perfect time to revitalize and electrify our lives by getting disconnected and targeting on other things err.. important things in our lives. Holiday season brings a lot of excitement, regardless of age. You may choose to spend the holidays at a fascinating resort or cruise ship around the world. But I strongly feel that sometimes, a simpler option may be an approach to give yourself a break from the intricacies of life. Below are some easy and simple yet awesome ways which I am planning to do (in fact have started already) in these summer holidays *smile smile* to find my peace and tranquility: 1. Plan a get-together with your near and dear ones: Spending quality time with those we love and care about is an incredible way to enjoy your holiday season. Invite your cousins, friends and family to a simple lunch or coffee evening. Eating together with the loved ones will create emotional bonds and sustain happiness in your relationships. “We believe the most cherished moments happen when friends and family get together." 2. Send simple thank you notes because you care: Life achievements are only possible because of the support and guidance of our friends, family and people we work with. Since holiday time is the time when we are mentally free and relaxed, it is the best time to express gratitude by sending simple thank you notes to those we care. Trust me, it will have positive ripple effect on your relationships. I have tried, you may also give it a try. J. And yes, don’t forget- be thankful for the life you are living. Cheers to your revitalization I am sharing some more easy day to day activities which may keep you energized all during your vacations: 3. Cook your favorite meal: Cook it with all the love, your family will relish it for lifetime. Moreover, it will give you happiness also. 4. Exercise for 30 minutes every day: You can try yoga, dance, meditation, jogging, running, swimming or anything else to keep your body fit and active. As it is rightly said: 5. Read a book: Think about the last book you always wanted to read but never got that time. Read it now. 6. Unplug and just be: Disconnect yourself with the virtual world for a while and connect with the reality, the nature, the surroundings, and the people around you. No social connections at all. Feel the difference! It is pure bliss. 7. Revisit a place (or places) where you have made memories: Place where you have spent your childhood (may be your own school), where you spent your college years or where you have spent most of your unforgettable and mesmerizing moments of your life are must-visit-places. It is a good way to relive all those beautiful memories. 8. Don’t forget to do at least one noble cause, it goes a long way: The holiday time is the right and perfect time to re look at our priorities and choose at least one act of nobility regardless of how small or large it might seem. This may include- planting a tree or going to an old age home and spending some quality time with the people there, doing some charity or anything that you feel may bring a change. Remember: “If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.” This is my plan for these vacations, what are your plans? Do share your plans and ideas of peaceful and exciting vacations in the comments section below.

Life is really busy. We all are certainly living a life where most of us always feel over worked and short of time. Short of time to do something more than what we are actually doing, more than just work. But are we really living or just existing? Are we actually busy in doing something so important that it over powers what we want to do and are supposed to do? Most of us start our day by complaining about the long working hours, never ending work, submission deadlines for the projects, and what not. We spend our day in figuring out what all we need to do on urgent basis and tries to prioritise what’s important and what is not. In this hustling schedule, we have actually come far from living our lives. “The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” - Stephen Covey Look back and think- how much quality time have you spend with your family in the last one week where you were actually engrossed in enjoying their company and not thinking anything about work, pressure and deadlines…L I am sure most of us have no answer to it. Many of us do not even remember the last time when we actually utilized our time in doing something which makes us happy and gives us peace. But as we all know the work is never ending and the bad news is time flies. The work will never end, the projects will keep coming with more restricted deadlines, the pressure will always be there however, we need to sit and pause for a while, we need to think that how will this work help me ten years from now. Will I ever be able to get back this time again? I am not saying that you need to stop working and start enjoying but you need to manage your time in such a way that you don’t regret your this life a few years later. Think- Will I ever have the same energy that I have today to do much more than just work? If I do not have time now, will I ever have it? Take out time to do what makes you happy. Celebrate what you have. Join some dance class or a yoga class or a happy club. Go for a walk. Meditate. Spend your weekend with your loved ones. Plan a surprise visit to a friend’s home. Invite your relatives over a dinner party. Plan a short trip. Exercise. Sleep. Greet everybody you meet with a genuine smile. Do whatever makes you believe that you are living and not just existing. Be happy and make everyone around you happy. Complain less, smile more. Instead of wondering about others who are doing all this, try and do it for yourself. For you, for your family and your loved ones. Time will fly anyway, see what all you are able to gather to cherish later on.

You are above 25 and still single and unmarried, this does not mean you should be treated as unworthy. However, it is common for Indian woman to go through endless nagging from parents and relatives if she has passed the ‘marriage age.’ So if you are also travelling in the same boat and feel “good-for-nothing” darling, please read through to transform your thoughts. Being over 25 is not all that easy, especially in a country like India where a woman’s legal age for marriage is 18. While there are those who surrender to marriage pressures early for whatever reasons, you walk around with a lamp of hope waiting for ‘the moment’ to dawn on you, and have no apprehensions about the delay. The only problem is, harassment caused by people who are looking for a chance to blow off your lamp and waste no opportunity to mock you (apparently, which is their way of showing concern). While you are the woman who is subject of conversation that starts with ‘She is way above 25 and unmarried’, you are also at the receiving end of people’s envy. Just think about it: You are single, doing well in life. Unmarried, do not have any marital responsibilities, have the freedom to explore whatever you want to, you have all the time for your own self and so you are happy. Let me take you through few major points about which we think or are forced to think when we are single and unmarried to look at them through a completely different lens: 1. First and foremost: It is just marriage and not the touchstone of your life: Marriage is treated as norm in our country and, at a particular age, it is looked upon as the ultimate aim of the life for a girl. But it is also okay to think otherwise. Instead of taking it extremely hard on you considering marriage as a curse, I suggest you to do it when the time is right and not when others are trying to submerge you into it or are suggesting you to take it on. Marriage is a beginning of a new phase of life and it is not the end of something that needs to be finished off and hence must not be considered in that way. 2. Haha- Age does not determine marriage-please! I fail to understand what age has to do with marriage. What does this stone-age mentality of ‘oh, she is old and she must get married now’ mean? There is no right age for marriage as you may be 22-year-old mature enough to handle a responsible relationship like marriage or on the contrary, a complete opposite to this- a 31-year-old who is absolutely immature. Age and maturity are completely peculiar factors and hence must not be taken together to decide when to get married. Every individual differs in the way they grow emotionally, physically and financially. What is important is not to get married at a 'particular' age set by the society; rather one should get married when one is ready for it, ready to take the responsibility and commitment of marriage and most importantly, when one finds the ideal life-partner. 3. Are you ready for it? Your surety matters the most. The key to a happy life is to be sure of who you are and what you want. If you are bewildered about your own emotions and not sure of what leap they may take in various situations, if you are not aware of how to handle the demon, I will suggest you to pause and take some more time for yourself. Do not walk the aisle in hurry. You need to understand the difference between right and wrong reasons to get married. If you want to marry because you feel lonely (which you may feel even when you are with someone) or because you are scared of growing old alone, or you want financial security (and things like that) then you must reconsider your decision and not marry right now. However, if you are ready and clear about your companionship, your emotional connect, ability to understand various viewpoints to a situation, ability to give and receive love and fulfill relationship over the long term- then my darling- you are totally set with all the right reasons to marry now. 4.  Be happy- after all, why are you doing all this! In a society like ours, marriage is the only acceptable way for a woman and a man to live under a roof and officially be in a ‘relationship. Most of us seek the ideal man. But, till you find the right person, it is fine to be happily unmarried. A lot of stress is associated with ‘happiness.’ but is marriage the ultimate proof to make you happy? Isn’t happiness directly related to contentment and inversely related to compromise? Happiness cannot be related to being single or being married. It is one’s own personal choice. Yes of course, I am sure being a new phase of life, marriage does bring abundance of fun and joy but that does not mean that only a married person is happy. Happiness has a different meaning for all of us and you need to choose what makes you happy. 5. Pressure- Oh please my dear- ignore it! There will be zillion aunties who will roll their eyes in disgrace while they use you as case history for ‘Miss Unmarried.’ The truth us, it is just societal and obsolete to have such talks. Let people know that you have certain criteria to be fulfilled before you decide to say ‘I do”. Pressure is often self- created, when you compare yourself to others. You will be able to deal with it if you are clear about what you want. Many marriages are in trouble, because people choose very poorly. And why do they do that? Because the do not know who they are and what they value! If you are clear, you can easily say. ‘I have not found what I am looking for.’ Also, to add- Pressures will persist. How you react to those pressures is up to you. You can choose to get trapped in the vicious cycle of stress because of not finding the correct mate, or deal with society and family pressures in your own subtle way by letting them know that you're not going to get hooked to someone who doesn't fit the bill. It is your life and you have every right to live it your way. Unless you find a partner who fulfills all your requirements, don't give up! You can be emphatic and make your criteria about choosing a companion clear to your family. As long as you are clear about who you want and how you want it, nothing matters. Also, try to avoid situations where you're going to become the scapegoat of endless why's and how's and but's in social (especially family) settings. Succumbing to the never-ending pressure, feeling stressed and incapacitated will either cause you to breakdown emotionally and make you a still weaker being or it will end up making you take the wrong step by saying yes to the wrong person! 6. Sweetheart- all the struggle is for finding your ‘Mr-Right’ The biggest mistake which most of us may tend to make is to wait for Mr ‘Oh-So-Right’, and while on our search for the same, veto ‘Mr Right for me’. True, no one knows what is best for you and the ultimate decision is yours, but you should remember that procrastinating marriage comes with its cheats as well. When you are on the right track and think of marriage as a serious step to take, don’t overdo the selection process. You should remember that your choices won’t get wider as your age passes, so being rational is important while making a decision. Adjustments too, are a part of any marriage. That certainly does not mean that you get married to someone whom you dislike, not attracted to or don’t connect with! You need to decide where and how much are you ready to adjust on. Rest nothing else matters. It is important to remember that marriage is not everything.  Yes, it can be everything, if you find the right companion who makes the journey of togetherness more joyful and peaceful. Do you believe the way I do? Do share your views in the comments section below J

“I smile because you are my brother but I laugh because you cannot do anything about it” Life is all about having good relationships. We are fortunate set of people who have many relationships in life and each relation has its own charm and pleasure. The companionship which we share with one person is matchless to the one which we share with some other person. However we all have strong affinity towards some of our closed ones with whom we feel most safe, comfortable and ecstatic. Those relationships are paramount in themselves. That one special bond can be with anyone-with a friend or sister, mother, brother, or may be with the husband. However, I share my most special bond with my brother- Shivam. He is the star of my life who has always been with me and has encouraged and motivated me of all the struggles that I have taken up, unbiased with his praises and extremely honest and critical of my mistakes. He was the first critic and the most exuberant supporter I had when I started my professional life and I have been more than happy to dedicate a blog to my sibling. The companionship which I share with him is not just about watching movies together, shopping, going out for dinner in an expensive restaurant (because he pays the bill :P) or having a common fight with the mother, we can do that with anybody else in the family or even with the friends, but it is all about the way we care and the bond we share, it is all about enjoying each and every moment which is spent together in such a way that everything else in the world seems dull. He is the one with whom I share my darkest secrets, my painful moments and all my joys. His happiness brings smile on my face and his happiness brings peace in my life. We care, we love, we fight, we quarrel, we joke, we cry, we share and we understand each other. He loves me like my father and cares for me like my mother. The first superhero I believe in (other than my father), my brother is the epitome of perfection. From being totally crazy one moment, to being totally responsible on the other, he is literally all types of awesomeness rolled into one. From sharing the crazy things that we do together, to taking advice whenever needed, he is a blessing in my life. Here are my 12 reasons why my brother is and will always be my best friend: 1. He loves me unconditionally even knowing all my faults. 2.  He protects me like a ninja. 3. Our candid talk-sessions are never ending. (from serious relationship and life goals to funny and stupid jokes, we never stop) 4. He gets me gifts (at least he tries to :P) 5.  He saves me from trouble, every single time. 6.  He brings me out of sadness and my low moments, very easily (only he knows the secret of doing that, more than me) 7. He fights with me over silly things but our fights don’t last long because he cannot live without me (neither can I without him) 8.  He shares everything with me (Yay! sometimes his cool gadgets as well) 9.  He gives me the world’s best advice) 10.  He takes my side when I have a fight with anybody in the world (even if I am wrong and then correct me later) 11.  He always has my back. J 12. All my life’s best moments include him. Life is hard and will always test us by bringing difficult moments but having a brother by your side, helps you overcome tough situations and enjoy life to the fullest! I am fortunate to have one, are you? Who is your most prized possession? Do share your views in the comments section below J

“It is not happy people who are thankful, but thankful people who are happy” We all are living in a world where we are so occupied with so many things all the time that we have no time to pause and think. Pause and think- where are we going, what are we doing it for, why are we running, what is the end to it? And in this process of running, we forget to live. All of us want to make our tomorrow better than today, future better than present and somewhere we have forgotten that ‘there is no better day than today’. Even after working extremely hard, some of us, in fact many of us are not able to achieve what we desire for hence the only thing that we end up doing is ‘to complain’. We all have different reasons to always complain about; ‘I don’t like my job’, ‘I have not got enough money’, ‘I cannot find my perfect partner’, ‘I cannot pay my bills’, ‘I think I am coming down with something’, ‘He or she does not appreciate me’,  ‘I don’t get along with my parent’, ‘My child is a problem’, ‘My life is a mess’, ‘My marriage is in trouble’, ‘My colleagues are better than me’, ‘My relatives are not nice to me’’ and the list is never ending. Most of us start our day complaining about-‘why do I have to get up so early’, ‘why am I doing this job’, continues with the grumbling sessions whole day long- be it our job where we have issues like ‘the food is not good today’, ‘how do I manage to complete my target’, ‘how do I meet my deadlines’, or be it our home  where we complaint about unpaid bills, leaking roofs, or ‘fights with the family members’ and end our day in the bed again complaining about ‘why am I sleeping so early', ‘how did I get so late in sleeping’ or something or the other. We spend our days and nights complaining about everything that we have and that we do not have. But, do we ever pause and think about the good things happening in our lives? Do we ever thank enough for what we have and ever imagine how would have our life been without what we have today? Life is not about complaining all the time, but about how grateful we are for what we have. I would like to share a beautiful quote from the book ‘The Magic’- “Whoever has gratitude will be given more, and he or she will have abundance. Whoever does not have gratitude, even what he or she has will be taken from him or her”. Be thankful for what you have, no matter how big your problem is, how problematic the situation is, you will always always always have something to be grateful for. Concentrate on the good things happening in your life, be it littlest of things: an appreciation by someone, an accidental meeting with an old friend, a good laugh with your colleague, meeting your deadlines or anything else. The more grateful we are, the more we will receive. Be grateful to have small quarrels at home-this shows you have a family which many do not have, be grateful for getting a mail to meet a deadline which shows that you are employed and have a job for which many others are craving, be grateful for having bills which indicates that you fortunate enough to enjoy the luxuries in your life (many do not get to enjoy that), be grateful even if it is taking time for you to find your perfect partner which means you are getting more time with your family. I am sharing my own personal experience and I urge you to at least give it a try- I am not asking for much but just one day! Spend one day, just one day- without complaining, no matter how hard the situation is. No back biting and no slandering. Be thankful for what you have. Be thankful for every little thing, smile at every person you meet, forget it whether they are your friends or not, feel thankful when you say it. For example- you can start your day like- Being thankful to your alarm for waking you up on time so that you could reach your office on time, be thankful to the domestic staff at your organisation for keeping everything clean before you could enter your room or the washrooms, be thankful to the cooks for preparing food for you, be thankful that the day went all well. And while saying thank you, feel it. Even if something turns up wrong, relax and think- it could have been worse. It is okay and it will be better soon. I am still thankful. If someone tries to involve you in any kind of malicious talk, walk off. You just have to do it for one day and when you go to your bed at night, be thankful that you spent one day peacefully without complaining. You yourself will see and feel the difference- the difference in you! Trust me- it is going to bring a change in how you feel. And then try a 21 day simple routine where every day while going to sleep, write (or think) about any 5 good things happened in that day and feel thankful for that for 21 days without a miss. It can be very little like getting up on time to an amazing one like able to find your perfect partner. Write every day. Feel thankful every day. Try least involvement in denigrating others, more into working upon your own self. And your life will drastically change- a change for your good. I am not saying that you will get everything you desire for- in these 21 days but I can promise that it will bring more peace, harmony, contentment and happiness in your life than ever. It has happened with me and so can happen with anyone. (Inspired by the book-'The Magic' by Rhonda Byrne) How many of you are ready to give it a shot- I am not asking for much but just one day- one day with more happiness and peace, one day with less of complaints and problems. How many of us got benefit from this? Did it really help? Please share your views and comments in the comment section below.

“Just because she is beautiful, it does not mean you are not” Did you ever stop and think about how often we are told to change our appearance? The statements like “you are too fat, you must do something to lose your weight”, “Oh god! So skinny! Your mom does not give you food, eh?”, “Your face looks pretty but your body weighs too much” and what not are the common statements which many of us would have heard at least once in our lives. Body shaming, as most of us are already aware is the practice of making critical and humiliating comments about a person’s body size or weight. We live in a society where body shaming is a norm and I don’t think any one of us is saved from hearing such comments about how we look and what we must do to change it. We get to hear comments on our body, its shape, size and how we look from a very young age and different ways to change it from various sources, be it friends, family, relatives, magazines or some newspaper articles. ‘You look so fat, why don’t you do something to reduce your weight’, ‘Oh Gosh! You are so slim, don’t you eat properly?, ‘Such heavy thighs, you cannot get into athletics with them’, ‘motu, golu, gappo, gol gappa’ these are some phrases which we get to hear and apparently we too use many such statements for people around us. Who are we to judge anyone based on how they look and how they dress themselves? Who are we to tell anyone to work on their body and appearance? Are we perfect? Even if we are, do we have any right to body shame anybody? We are no body to tell anyone what they need to do with their body. We all are perfectly imperfect and beautiful in our own unique ways. A lot of us can relate with body shaming and I would like to share my own experiences of body shaming through which I have suffered a lot of pain, depression and torture throughout my life. I was always a chubby girl since childhood. Being on a heavier side of your weight has always been a pain for me. People around me used to make fun of me by calling me by various names like dhanno, motu, gappo and what not. Not only acquaintances, my own relatives used to call me by these names. For them, it was just fun but it was not funny for me, ever! May be their intention was not to make me feel low about myself, but that is what they were always doing. I remember an incident which I can never forget- once I went to my cousin’s house and was just about to sit on their newly bought sofa when I was asked to not to sit on it as it might break because of my weight!! I was told to sit on the bed instead of that sofa. Painful, isn’t it? (It is not that it affects me anymore or the person who said this is not in touch with me, but it just an incident which I cannot forget, no matter how hard I try). Buying clothes when you are fat is another task. Shopkeepers used to look at me in derogatory ways and the whole process of trying clothes, not fitting in, re trying a larger size and again and again was highly depressing for me, always and always. Hence, I always used to find excused whenever I was asked to buy clothes. When relatives used to come to my place, they use to tell my parents that they should serve me less food and I was also given a whole list of to-do and not-to-do..!! This continued for a long period of time making me feel really bad about myself. My self- esteem was very low and I felt ugly and bad from inside for my own self. (Since I was too young, each and every comment used to affect me deeply) It is not that I was very fat or I used to eat a lot or anything like that but the whole point is why on the face of this earth I was asked to change myself. I will do it when I will feel like doing it. I lost interest in everything be it meeting relatives, buying clothes, going out. I became a geek who used to study and study and isolated myself from the entire world. I tried many a times to skip my meals, go for a walk or jog but everything failed every time. (I was just 8-9 years old and such pressure was beyond me because I was doing it) To my fortune, after a few years, my brother asked me to join aerobics classes just for fun and those classes helped me a lot and my body was totally transformed. I lost a lot of weight and I gained my confidence back. But I was able to do it because I wanted to do it, not because people were criticizing me for how I used to look. (even during my journey of weight loss, I had to hear a lot of criticism, itna kuch kr rhi hai, koi fakr toh dikh nhi rha, kitne paise waste kr die par patli to hui nhi, kuch bhi kr le, jb tk khana kum nhi kregi kuch nhi hoga, tere bski nhi hai patli hona, tu toh hmesha moti hi rahegi and the list goes on and on) But the question still remains the same- do people have any right to say anything to anyone? Do we even realize how the person feels when we comment on their body size? This is not funny, not a joke but is really disgusting to make any one feel so low about their own body and self. “Be proud of who you are and not ashamed of how someone else sees you.” We all are beautiful and perfect, no matter how we look. Change yourself, only when you feel like doing so and not when others criticise you. No matter what people say, I have learnt one simple thing- I work out for my health and my satisfaction. I don’t work out for anybody’s judgement whether they approve or disapprove. I don’t really care what others think about me, what affects me is how I feel for myself. Exercise because you love your body and not because you hate it. For people out there “Be proud of your body”. What is your say on body shaming? Please share your views in the comment section below.

Life is a roller coaster ride which is full of ups and downs, twists and turns, love and loss. Good times always passes quickly and bad times looks like they are never going to end. Whenever we are going through difficult times in our lives, the only question which revolves in our head is “Why me? Why am I going through all this pain?” All of us have been through tough time at some point of our lives. There are times when the problem looks never ending and there is no ray of hope. That is the most depressing phase of our lives. All of us have our own set of problems and to us, our problem is the most painful one. A mother waiting for her son to take her back from an old age home, a father waiting for his son to talk to him, a man who is not able to resolve the issues between his mother and his wife, a woman who is not able to conceive, a girl waiting to get married but is not getting a perfect match, a girl who is not ready for the marriage and wants to become something but is forced to get married at the ‘right age’, a boy who is not getting a job, another boy who is not getting promotion in his job, a child who is not able to score good marks even after a lot of hard work, another child who is not able to resolve the issues between his/her parents, a child looking for some attention from his friends, another one who misses his/her father who is no more in this world. The problems are never ending. Each one of us is unique and so is our problem. Whenever we are in the difficult phase of our lives, we are told to distract ourselves from the sad and desolate thoughts and keep ourselves busy in those things which keep us happy. But is it easy? Is it really possible? Only we can understand and feel the pain of our problems. As it is said- “Easy say than done.” Hence sometimes it is okay to be not okay. It is okay to be not happy, to be not able to show that we are fine, it is okay to be sad, to feel what we want to feel. We all do need some alone time to understand and to feel our pain. Once faced, felt deeply, then only we will be able to figure out a solution to the problem. Even if we don’t have a solution to the problem, trust me, this phase will also pass. May be not today, may be not tomorrow, but eventually, it will pass. We might not be able to find the solution, may be pain is never ending, but we surely will get the energy and strength to face it. Give yourself time, sometime. We cannot hide from our problems and get away with them. The only way to come out of them is by facing them. We don’t need to get into deep thoughts all the time when we are low, but yes-we do need to give ourselves some time-some alone time. Face your problem, shout out loud, cry as hard as you can, fall and then stand again with much more strength. Wipe your tears, adjust your crown and get your day started. You have faced many problems before, you can do it this time as well. “Be strong because things will get better. It may be stormy now but it never rains forever.”

Indian festivals season is on..!! All the excitement is on. One after another- from renovating and painting the house to making variety of food items to buying new clothes, jewelry, gifts and what not, Indian homes are filled with lots of colors and excitement. All the markets are filled and hence all the roads are packed..!! The months of September-October are the most happening months for the Hindus (majorly for all) as they are filled with various festivals starting from Navratri Pooja to Dussehra to Karvachauth and then “the most important festival”- Diwali and Bhaiya Dooj. It is the time to celebrate love, relationships, to strengthen the bonds between our family members and to work on our not-so-good-relationships (like we all have with few of our relatives). One of the most happening festival (especially in Delhi) these days is “Karvachauth”. (For those who do not know- In Hindu culture-this festival is celebrated to pray for the long and happy life of the husband. The women fast for the whole day, stay without food and even water and do Pooja in the evening in groups and finally by looking at the moon, completes her fast and drink a sip of water from her husband’s hand). The festival of Karvachauth, filled with warmth and admiration, is celebrated by almost all the Indian ladies. Indeed, every women want to pray for the happiness and the long life of her husband. All the religions and festivals hold their own importance and people have their individual and varied beliefs in them. Every individual has a different eye to look at the way things are done and celebrated. Some women believe in fasting and do the rituals with all the faith and trust in their lord (assuming or believing that fasting will surely give her husband a long and happy life), on the other hand some might not believe in the same concept and don’t keep fasts (does not mean they don’t want their husband to live long but it’s just that this concept does not make sense to them). However, there is another category of people who do it because they are supposed to do it, their families are following this tradition and hence they also follow the same without giving much of a thought to it. With the increasing craze and ever increasing demand of this day, Karvachauth has become one way for the ladies to shop giving a hole in their husband’s pocket :P (may be not intentionally for all). The preparations for “the day” starts well in advance where ladies are involved in buying new expensive Indian clothes and jewelry. They also have to buy sargi including matthis and puas (jaggery) (as a part of the ritual). On top of all this, mehendi is one of the most demanding thing. The bhaiya and didi who are applying these mehendi are charging like bombs in some of the big markets of Delhi (even in smaller markets for that matter). And then comes the make-up, parlors are over-priced and apparently all the women are ready to spend anything to get that ‘perfect look’ for the day. Not to my surprise, in today’s world, Karvachauth is celebrated just because it-is-in..!! How this maine-tumhari-lambi-umar-k-lie-fast-kia is affecting husband and women expecting jo-mujhe-chahie-wo-lekar-dena-padega varies from couple to couple. Some women keep the day as simple as possible with minimal expenses and maximum time devotion on their prays, some demands expensive things from her husband showing that they are doing a favor on her husband by fasting, some do nothing at all whereas some buy things as they have to show off to their friends and family. Husband’s way of taking it also varies to a great extent. Some of them don’t even know how and what his wife is doing, some of them are extremely sensitive to the effort his wife is putting in and tries to do whatever possible they can- some keeps fast with wives (very few), some make her feel special by showing different gestures. However, some of them are forced to show their gesture in a way, not suiting to their mental, emotional or financial condition..!! The irony is, with all this glitters and lights, the whole idea and purpose of doing all the fasting and Pooja is fading away. People are involved in outer things to such great extents that they have forgotten (or are forgetting) the reason and motive behind doing this festival. (How true the belief is, is not the point, how we are taking this makes the whole difference) Is all the fancy decoration, make-up, lightning, heavy expenditure really required? Are we doing all this because these are a part of the rituals or are we following the ritual because we get to do all this? Please share your views in the comment section below.

What is happiness? How do we define the word “happy”? How do we feel when we say that “I am very happy today?” If I have to think about happiness, being happy is basically an emotional (or specifically mental) state of well-being (or being fine) which brings positivity, contentment and joy in our personality. Happiness is a varied range of emotions which depends upon individuals. Some people connect happiness to contentment, some to peace of mind and some to intense joy in a particular moment. Everybody wants to be happy and everyone has a different way of getting happy. We all work to achieve the final goal of “being happy”. “Being happy” is a state which has a vast range of emotions and every individual finds it in different places, situations and with different people. Some people get happiness in travelling, some find happiness in nature’s serene beauty, some in lavish places, some find happiness in buying new and expensive clothes, cars , accessories and houses whereas watching a good movie with friends makes others happy. Some people finds happiness in partying, whereas a meal with all the family members makes another individual –a happy one. Happiness has no set limits, no boundaries and there are no proper guidelines of how-can-I-be-happy. But in today’s changing world, somewhere in finding happiness, I have observed that people (many of whom I know, not all) are not able to discern the difference between real happiness and falseness, show-off (which they assume is happiness ). When I look around, at my friends, family and relatives, neighbors, colleagues, acquaintances, unknowns- I see that everybody (not literally everybody but majority of people around the world) is running behind happiness…!! “But real happiness comes from within, we don’t have to run behind it.” Everybody is trying to “showcase” their happiness to one or the other by different means. But are we “really” happy? People are trying all kinds of things to do better than others and to get that I-am-better-than-you feeling…!! I would like to quote a few lines from a book which I read a few days back: Contentment or happiness derived from material object is nothing but a false belief which fades off as fast as it is felt. Real happiness comes from within, as it is the soul that possesses the quality of happiness. Doing good to others, being true to self. Loving all life forms….. This is what actually brings real happiness. :) Everyone (majorly all of us, not exactly everyone) is trying to get that image of “ye-to-kitna-khush-hai-apni-jindagi-me” in front of others without even reflecting as to whether all the efforts are fruitful or not, whether the final goal is achieved or not..!! There are so many instances which saddens me and when I see people just competing with their colleagues, friends and even rishtedaar (sounds better than relatives) to be better and happier-it makes me think even more-what are we doing? Why are we doing this? Are we actually getting anything out of it? I would like to share a few instances (Without pointing any finger to anyone specific, with no offence to anyone but sharing my general observations about people around me-including me for that matter, which makes me think about where the world is going) One most common main-toh-usse-better-hu (would not have given the same feel in English) example is: One of my mother’s relative threw a party (for any reason-be it a birthday party, or anniversary celebration or any other occasion), another relative (rishtedaar :P) (who can be related in any of the ways) felt obliged (in her head only) to throw a bigger (in terms of money and lavishness) party (even if this person does or does not like parties, has or not enough money, or family wants to do it or not) to show (simply show) that she is better and is happier in her life .!! But she was not looking happy at all in her own party. She was all tensed, anxious and worried…Why? She did everything she wanted to, then also not happy??? People (I don’t know why they matter to all of us, a lot) said- wow, what a fantastic party” okay, great..!! But what did she get out of it? Was she happy? What was the whole point of spending so much money on a party (it is not just about money, but about copying what other person has done just to show that she was happier and better). But to whom? Happiness comes from within. I am not saying that whatever she did was wrong and should not have done it the way it was done, but had she done that because she wanted to, then it was great but the whole point is that the final aim was not achieved. She was not even looking happy in her own party. :( I have met quite a few people in my life and have observed them secretly (not like I stalk people or something:P but just that I am a keen observer by nature and look at the things very carefully) A few days back one of my cousin visited my place (who is about to get married) and shared with me how the preparations are at peak and how everybody at her place is busy in buying expensive clothes, accessories and other stuff for her marriage. She told me “tum dekhna, meri shaadi meri friend se bhi jada achi hogi, mere papa ne interest pe paise lie hai meri shaadi k lie”. She stopped for a while and I could see her not-so-happy face and could sense that a lot of things were running in her mind. After a few seconds she continued- ‘isse hmari izzat puri rishtedaari me bad jaegi” and continued with her talks. When she was done, we both were silent for next few minutes and then I broke the silence and asked her- “What are you getting from all this lavish arrangements? Your father will fall in debt for a long period of time after spending so much. Is that really making you happy? Do you really want this?” She looked at me, thought and replied- “I don’t know, I think yes, I mean I should be happy that I am getting more than my friend (the friend with whom she is comparing her wedding arrangements)” but her face said something else..!! Was it real happiness? I have a neighbor who is in her mid- sixties and is living alone from past few years (I don’t know whether by choice or not) and is blessed with all the luxuries in her house-a big well-furnished house having all the necessities such as Air conditioner, refrigerator etc, a maid to cook food and do all the other household chores. I have often seen her talking to random people about random stuff in nearby markets and in our street as well. She tries to stop and talk to everyone she meets. However, on asking her about how it feels to live alone, her response is always on a positive side. She tries to make people believe that she is happy, enjoying all the luxuries in her life and in fact tries to convince others also to live a life like hers. However I have seen that whatever she says is all words. I have not seen that happiness, that spark in her eyes (many of her talks were with my mom when I was standing next to her and hence could sense). Her eyes are always sad, looking for someone to talk to (may be it is all in my head but that’s what I have always strongly felt) I had a colleague in one of my previous organization who forced her fiancé for an abroad honeymoon just because she had to look happier (cooler, richer or I don’t know what) than her other colleague who was also getting married at the same time and was going abroad. Her fiancé managed an abroad honeymoon but his family was in financial crunch after that. What did she get out of it? Did that really make her happy? I don’t think so..!! I fail to understand one small thing- what is more important- “Looking happy in front of other or being happy inside” For me-what people think should not matter till the time you are happy inside. One should do what makes him/her happy no matter what others are thinking. It does not matter what makes others happy, what matters is how happy you are, what makes you happy. Some people might find happiness in showing their happiness to others, but not all of us..!! Happiness is not just a term but a state of contentment, having peace of mind. A person is happy when he is able to have a sound sleep after a long day. Real happiness lies in small things- a smile on a girl’s face after losing a few pounds is happiness, spending quality time with your spouse, looking at your mother-sleeping peacefully is happiness, when a friend calls you after a long time to ask about your health is happiness, a father looking at his daughter walking for the first time is happiness, a smile full of contentment on a mothers face when her son gets a job is happiness,  a brother departing his sister to her new family on her marriage is happiness, a meal with all the family members is happiness. Happiness is not always about showing what you have (or showing more than what you have) (at least not for all of us) but about appreciating what you have. It is rightly said- “It is not about how much we have, but how much we enjoy-that makes happiness.” - Charles Spurgeon Please share your views in the comments section below. :)

Life is all about change and growth. Someone has rightly said; “If you are not changing, you are not growing”. And to grow, everyone needs to change. “Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” But can this change affect your friends and friendship with them? Is your growth responsible for breaking your friendship? But if that is the case, was that real friendship in the first place? One such incident happened with me a few days back which made me think and reflect upon the kind of people I had I my life. We meet a lot of people in the journey of our life, some of them stay and some of them depart but everyone leaves an impression on your life. A few days back, one of my old friend-GS (actually not friend, but friend-cum-acquaintance) called me up (we had not spoken to each other for many years now and the only way by which we were in touch was some regular formal wishes on certain occasions like birthday, friendship day and Diwali) So her call actually amused me but I thought it must be out of some purpose (which was ironically true, but in some other sense). However, to my surprise she told me that she just called me because it was long that we had not spoken so she just wanted to know about my well-being and have a small chit-chat. This really made me smile. But the conversation went in some weird direction and how it started and ended was really funny and disappointing at the same time. It was like: GS- Hi, how are you? It was long that we had not spoken so I thought of calling you. Me- Yeah, hi, I am good and what about you? It is great to hear you after so long, how’s life? GS- Mine is boring, but yours look really exciting and interesting. You are posting a lot of pictures and videos on social networking sites, eh. You know what, I and my other friend were talking one day and she said that this girl (me) has changed a lot. Even though I don’t talk to her, but I have a gut feeling that she has changed. So today, when I saw your picture, I thought of asking you. What is it in your life that you have changed a lot? Me- (totally confused) Changed? What? How? In what sense? My pictures? Talking about me? What exactly is happening? In what sense are you asking me this? GS- Not exactly in any sense, but your life seems very exciting, you are putting so many posts which shows that you are totally velli (uuff, how could she say that) but at the same time you earning a lot (God damn, does she even know my salary?) Is it really too much? I never knew this) so how come all this is possible? Me: (still lost) hahahaha, what do you mean yaar? Posting on social networking sites does not make me “velli” in any sense and it is something which I like to do so I do take out some time from my schedule or all this. What is the harm? What is going on? GS- Nah, leave it. Tell me, are you in touch with any of our common friends? (friend-cum-acquaintance), I think no and I think it might be that you have broken contact with them as you have really “changed”. Me- (shocked)- What are you saying and why are you saying all this? I never broke contact with anyone and by the way, why on the face of this Earth are we talking about anybody else? You have called me after so many years, let’s talk about each other rather than anybody else? GS-No actually, I generally wanted to know about all this. Why are you getting angry?(When did I get angry?) You have really changed yaar..!! I never thought you will behave this way with me. Everyone is right, you have changed, you are so rude, so different, I am sure the communication gap between you and our other friends (friend-cum-acquaintance) must be because of you. You have changed, totally changed. Me- (really upset and stopped her in between) - Stop, what are you saying, what do you want? Please think once as to what exactly do you want to talk about. GS- I wanted to know about you, your experience in life, how can you grow so well too early, how is your life so good (I don’t know what made her think that), how are you earning so well (again, what) ...... Me- Stopped her again- Stop girl, enough, I fail to understand your purpose of calling me but I have lost it now, I will talk to you later. (Phone cut) …. What was this conversation all about? Who was at fault? The friend (friend-cum-acquaintance) who called out of nowhere just to make me feel that she is not able to take it that I am growing so well in life (I don’t know what she meant by that) and she wanted me to feel bad. She played with my head and ruined my peace of mind. Or it was me who was not able to understand what exactly was she saying? People tend to remain your friends till the time they have the peace of mind that you and your life is worse than theirs. I am not saying that real friendship does not exist but yes not all people who say they are your friends-are your real ones. They stay with you, talk to you till the time you talk about your pain and agony with them. Once you re-start your life, they will try to put you down. But we really need to think about a few things- Is putting pictures on social networking sites indicating anything about your real life. Does it really make a difference? Is it helping you to understand how people are interpreting about your life? How and why is it making a difference to their life? Should we stop using social networking sites as apparently the network is narrowing instead of widening..!! Please share your views in the comments section below.