Oh no, you are unmarried. Oh yes, I am happily single!
You are above 25 and still single and unmarried, this does not mean you should be treated as unworthy. However, it is common for Indian woman to go through endless nagging from parents and relatives if she has passed the ‘marriage age.’
So if you are also travelling in the same boat and feel “good-for-nothing” darling, please read through to transform your thoughts.
Being over 25 is not all that easy, especially in a country like India where a woman’s legal age for marriage is 18. While there are those who surrender to marriage pressures early for whatever reasons, you walk around with a lamp of hope waiting for ‘the moment’ to dawn on you, and have no apprehensions about the delay.
The only problem is, harassment caused by people who are looking for a chance to blow off your lamp and waste no opportunity to mock you (apparently, which is their way of showing concern). While you are the woman who is subject of conversation that starts with ‘She is way above 25 and unmarried’, you are also at the receiving end of people’s envy.
Just think about it: You are single, doing well in life. Unmarried, do not have any marital responsibilities, have the freedom to explore whatever you want to, you have all the time for your own self and so you are happy.
Let me take you through few major points about which we think or are forced to think when we are single and unmarried to look at them through a completely different lens:
1. First and foremost: It is just marriage and not the touchstone of your life:
Marriage is treated as norm in our country and, at a particular age, it is looked upon as the ultimate aim of the life for a girl. But it is also okay to think otherwise. Instead of taking it extremely hard on you considering marriage as a curse, I suggest you to do it when the time is right and not when others are trying to submerge you into it or are suggesting you to take it on. Marriage is a beginning of a new phase of life and it is not the end of something that needs to be finished off and hence must not be considered in that way.
2. Haha- Age does not determine marriage-please!
I fail to understand what age has to do with marriage. What does this stone-age mentality of ‘oh, she is old and she must get married now’ mean? There is no right age for marriage as you may be 22-year-old mature enough to handle a responsible relationship like marriage or on the contrary, a complete opposite to this- a 31-year-old who is absolutely immature. Age and maturity are completely peculiar factors and hence must not be taken together to decide when to get married. Every individual differs in the way they grow emotionally, physically and financially. What is important is not to get married at a 'particular' age set by the society; rather one should get married when one is ready for it, ready to take the responsibility and commitment of marriage and most importantly, when one finds the ideal life-partner.
3. Are you ready for it? Your surety matters the most.
The key to a happy life is to be sure of who you are and what you want. If you are bewildered about your own emotions and not sure of what leap they may take in various situations, if you are not aware of how to handle the demon, I will suggest you to pause and take some more time for yourself. Do not walk the aisle in hurry. You need to understand the difference between right and wrong reasons to get married. If you want to marry because you feel lonely (which you may feel even when you are with someone) or because you are scared of growing old alone, or you want financial security (and things like that) then you must reconsider your decision and not marry right now. However, if you are ready and clear about your companionship, your emotional connect, ability to understand various viewpoints to a situation, ability to give and receive love and fulfill relationship over the long term- then my darling- you are totally set with all the right reasons to marry now.
4. Be happy- after all, why are you doing all this!
In a society like ours, marriage is the only acceptable way for a woman and a man to live under a roof and officially be in a ‘relationship. Most of us seek the ideal man. But, till you find the right person, it is fine to be happily unmarried. A lot of stress is associated with ‘happiness.’ but is marriage the ultimate proof to make you happy? Isn’t happiness directly related to contentment and inversely related to compromise? Happiness cannot be related to being single or being married. It is one’s own personal choice. Yes of course, I am sure being a new phase of life, marriage does bring abundance of fun and joy but that does not mean that only a married person is happy. Happiness has a different meaning for all of us and you need to choose what makes you happy.
5. Pressure- Oh please my dear- ignore it!
There will be zillion aunties who will roll their eyes in disgrace while they use you as case history for ‘Miss Unmarried.’ The truth us, it is just societal and obsolete to have such talks. Let people know that you have certain criteria to be fulfilled before you decide to say ‘I do”. Pressure is often self- created, when you compare yourself to others. You will be able to deal with it if you are clear about what you want. Many marriages are in trouble, because people choose very poorly. And why do they do that? Because the do not know who they are and what they value! If you are clear, you can easily say. ‘I have not found what I am looking for.’ Also, to add- Pressures will persist. How you react to those pressures is up to you. You can choose to get trapped in the vicious cycle of stress because of not finding the correct mate, or deal with society and family pressures in your own subtle way by letting them know that you're not going to get hooked to someone who doesn't fit the bill. It is your life and you have every right to live it your way. Unless you find a partner who fulfills all your requirements, don't give up! You can be emphatic and make your criteria about choosing a companion clear to your family. As long as you are clear about who you want and how you want it, nothing matters. Also, try to avoid situations where you're going to become the scapegoat of endless why's and how's and but's in social (especially family) settings. Succumbing to the never-ending pressure, feeling stressed and incapacitated will either cause you to breakdown emotionally and make you a still weaker being or it will end up making you take the wrong step by saying yes to the wrong person!
6. Sweetheart- all the struggle is for finding your ‘Mr-Right’
The biggest mistake which most of us may tend to make is to wait for Mr ‘Oh-So-Right’, and while on our search for the same, veto ‘Mr Right for me’. True, no one knows what is best for you and the ultimate decision is yours, but you should remember that procrastinating marriage comes with its cheats as well. When you are on the right track and think of marriage as a serious step to take, don’t overdo the selection process. You should remember that your choices won’t get wider as your age passes, so being rational is important while making a decision. Adjustments too, are a part of any marriage. That certainly does not mean that you get married to someone whom you dislike, not attracted to or don’t connect with! You need to decide where and how much are you ready to adjust on. Rest nothing else matters. It is important to remember that marriage is not everything. Yes, it can be everything, if you find the right companion who makes the journey of togetherness more joyful and peaceful.
Do you believe the way I do?
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